must write this so the day isn't only about work

tibet is such a beautiful place that it's hard to take an ugly photo, despite my lousy photography skills. so the picture above is probably one of the ugliest photo i have of lhasa.

i blogged roughly a year ago (gasp! time!) about how i thought cultural assimilation was very real a problem in lhasa. that was, at that time, just a casual observation. i also thought the travel books i were reading were overtly sensationalizing the political issues there, because what i saw was a deeply-religious, peaceful and quiet people. apparently in the face of recent happenings, i was quite wrong about that.

i have my personal take on this issue, although u can never really know for sure who's telling the truth. but my take is neither important nor consequential. it just hurts to see a place i grew to love become so torn. i think the shop-fronts and shopping malls are easy to restore - it's the unseen which is more difficult. i don't think it's hard to see the problem - it merely took me one week. the difficult part i guess is whether pple see it as a problem at all. i hope lhasa and her people will see peace soon.

anw that photo was taken on the last day me and the travel-mates were staying in tibet. we were happily on our own without the chinese guides, and sitting on a balcony of a restaurant overlooking the somewhat busy street. all three of us were finally well and un-sick, and breathing ok. we had covered quite a lot in the day, and were glad to rest our feet despite the horrible dinner the restaurant served. we were talking about nothing in particular, and waiting for the sun to set, so that we can see the potala palace soaked in the day's last rays.



it was a short trek to potala, and we stopped along the way to buy some tibetan tea. by the time we reached potala, the sun was already halfway gone, casting the sky a pale blue. we snapped photos like whores. the square opposite potala was suddenly filled with tourists/locals/dunno-whos. before long, it turned really dark, and everything was yellow from the street lamps.

we then sat down on the square, somewhat in the middle of nowhere. and talked. and talked. and talked. until the night became a little too cold. and so we headed back.

happy things

in the mood to blog lately. maybe cos of the rain. and then there's some spare time. i'm not supposed to be free and easy. but anw.

so i was rummaging through my photo folder, and stumbled upon those i took when i was on an army exercise in new zealand. that's four years ago already. and walau, really wish i can go back there. those boots in the photo were really on me, and that field chair, is still in the hall, as a practical solution to the solo late-night instant noodle supper by the low table.

anyway, i stumbled upon this apparently new site butterbeehappy.com. it proposes that people should develop the daily habit of jotting down 5 happy things, to become generally happier people. what a simple concept, and convincing too. ok so i will do this here today.

1. slept in.
2. discovered 王若 翎 琳(some chinese jazzy singer).

update: yeahh, thanks to some nice pple, i now know how to write her name properly. haha

3. cleared the post-submission mess in my room.
4. had a good dinner.
5. called some contact for school work.

ok so barely a few weeks after i decided to commit myself to this exercise, i'm like doing this less than twice a week. not very determined i know. maybe one day one of my reasons for being happy will be actually doing the list.

maybe cos i don't have enough happenings in my life, a lot of happy things i list are the little matters. i don't think the exercise makes me a better friend, or a more efficient worker. it's just a nicer way to end the day. furthermore i'm a list-person. satisfies the compulsive urge (i think more apparent in men) to make lists out of everything.

没什么了

今天睡不到两个钟头。大学的最后一个open crit 如常进行。

在回家的路上，天空是灰灰的。公车的窗上布了一层水滴。车里面很冷。车外的绵绵细雨，看起来更冷。

在半清醒半放空的情况下，顿时感觉心好像变得很沉很沉。很莫名，很茫然，很空虚的沉沉的感觉。心里面打滚着一个很简单，很恐怖的问题。now what?

然后公车拐个弯，就到总站了。每个人开始挪动着身躯，准备下车。哦，到了。下车后，就好像没什么了。

leap year

i really ought to be sleeping. cos i foresee, in the face of an approaching unprepared-for mid-sem test and competition deadline, a sleepless weekend ahead.

anw.

i was in the school library this morning. there weren't alot of pple around - only some lounging on the colourful chairs, lost in their books. i wasn't exactly looking for anything in particular, just flipping around in search of inspiration, and for the sense of doing things. alot of things were on my mind, but somehow then and there, i felt somewhat happy for being where i was.

there are certain questions associated with certain stages in life. some of the things pple usually ask me these days is where i'm going for my grad trip, and whether i'm considering further studies after graduation. the answer to the latter is a standard no. enough studying already, really.

but recently i have come to think i will miss a few things about uni-life. the freedom, the friends, of course. and then there's this sense of possibility that can be so empowering. the sense that anything i can dream of, can possibly happen, when you trudge through the diverse mix of pple and explore the wonders of undiscovered fields of study, or facades of life.

ok anw.

i was re-watching parts of the ever-haunting 'the hours' some days ago on tv. and i remember this scene when meryl streep was talking to chio-bu claire danes. she was saying how when she was young, she will wake up one day and suddenly feel like that day was full of possibility. and feel like that it was the beginning of happiness. then she laughs and says that THAT very moment, wasn't the beginning. but happiness itself already. Or something like that.